Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
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