how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
