This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
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