I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
Randomize
