I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Randomize
