I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize
