You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
Randomize
