i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
So apparently I’m into choking now
Randomize
