this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
Randomize
