I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Randomize
