he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize
