oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
you would pick up someone in the library
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
Randomize
