Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
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