So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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