you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
Randomize
