I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
Randomize
