I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
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