Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
God I need to hump something, right now.
Randomize
