i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
