i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
Randomize
