we have pet lesbian snakes
About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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