I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
We're not piercing ourselves today.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
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