We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
