Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
Randomize
