I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
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