I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
