I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
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