I love black thongs
Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
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