I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
