After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
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