I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Randomize
