dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
Randomize
