so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
