definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
This couple is walking their pig around campus
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
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