even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
Randomize
