I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
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