**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
i just wanna soil my oats bro
i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Randomize
