theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
Randomize
