i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
Randomize
