3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
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