Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
Shame - the story of my life.
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