When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
Randomize
