I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
