She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
Randomize
