She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Randomize
