he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
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