Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
I have aggressive nipples.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
Randomize
