This dress was meant to end up on your floor
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
windsor, ontario is like a poor man's amsterdam
no, it is just poor
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
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