How long until YT realizes that it's a man?
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Randomize
