If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
