thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
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